Why the fuck is there change on my bar?

I can't even do laundry or fill a parking meter with this.

Why the fuck is there change on my bar? No, seriously. Who left this here? Did someone actually think this was a tip? And if so, what decade are they living in? It's 2012, not 1908. That's 43 cents. People who leave quarters are bad enough. But I can't even do my laundry or fill a parking meter with this!

Leaving change on a bar is even more disrespectful than not tipping at all. It's like people are trying to allay their guilt for not having an entire dollar or two dollar bills by tossing whatever's been rotting in their pocket at me. How very kind of them for confusing me for the desperate pan-handling crackhead on the corner. I must look stunning today.

Either that, or people are just trying to empty their heavy pockets, which is even worse. My bar is a place where you can sit down and respectfully relax after a long, sticky summer day... but it's not your dresser at home that you can clutter with your pocket contents! Out of an obsessive need to keep my bar clean I took the shameful time to pick up each of these pathetic little tokens... but I wish I caught this fucktard so I could throw them in his drink!

Today's lesson: Change is good in life but never on a bar. So don't do it.