Now, I'm not going to get into all of the politics of the Occupy Wall Street movement - or the heavy influx of unemployed drifters who now seem to be occupying every fucking bar in New York City. I won't get into why or how these unemployed people became unemployed. Or how they afford the weed they're smoking.
But I will say this - being unemployed does not entitle you to free drinks. It may entitle you to unemployment benefits, Medicaid, or free birth control from Planned Parenthood. But it does not mean that your local bartender should be pouring you free shots all night. This is a business, not a welfare fund. You do NOT get a pity tab and we do NOT accept EBT cards at the bar. And while you may be getting unemployment checks every week to sit on the other side of my bar and whine to me about your life... I'm actually WORKING. I'm on my feet, dealing with the public, and making drinks for 8 hours every night or day to make a living. I'm not a fucking volunteer. So do your part and when you're over your hangover tomorrow read this list of Do's and Don'ts for unemployed drinkers...
- DO buy a cheap six pack from your local convenience store and spend the night at home.
Or, if you must come to a bar, please...
- DO be smart with what funds you do have. Know what you can and will spend in the bar.
- DO budget at least $1 of tip into the drink price before purchase.
- DO know how much money is in your checking account before handing me your debit card.
- DO bring a photo ID other than a New York State benefit card.
- DO be respectful when communicating your financial boundaries. I had a customer reveal to me that he was living on unemployment and couldn't meet the $15 credit card minimum and asked if I could make an exception and run it for $10. I did. He tipped me $2 in cash and I bought him his third drink. Respectful communication and decency go very far.
- DON'T ask for free drinks, free shots or any special discount.
- DON'T order a drink from a bartender if you do not have the money to pay for it.
- DON'T assume someone else at the bar is going to pay for your drink if they haven't offered. This makes things awkward for everyone.
- DON'T walk out on your tab without seeing your bartender about it. If you come to a bar regularly and are waiting on an employment check or job to come through, let us know. We may be willing to roll your tab over into the following week as a courtesy, assuming you are apologetic, respectful and remember to tip.
- DON'T give the bartender an attitude if the service isn't the best service you've ever had. If you are tipping me $1 or less on every drink and Mr. Moneybags on the other side of the bar is throwing $20's at me... Sorry, but your drinks are going to come a little slower. We live in a Capitalist society and just like the country's top business schools, I grade on a curve. You're not a high roller and I work for tips. Accept it and move on.
- DON'T get passive aggressive when the bartender pours drinks for all of the employed folks next to you, but none for you. Nothing in life is free, including a bartender's attention.
- DON'T call the bartender your friend unless one of these four things is true:
- You have the bartender's phone number (and have actually called them, not just texted)
- You regularly exchange secrets about your life with the bartender (and they reciprocate)
- You hang out with the bartender outside of the bar (on off nights)
- You have had sex with the bartender (more than once)
For more ideas on how to drink on the cheap, check out these Drinking Without Income (DWI) videos from my buddies over at Comediva.
